So hard

Why do we make simple things hard? I've been thinking about this question lately as it seems to be a recurring one in my life. Instead of making a simple choice and being content with it, I get greedy or needy or insecure and make a harder choice which ultimately ends leaving me stressed out, frustrated, and/or unfulfilled.

It makes me think of Jesus' words about not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow will have enough worry of its own. Instead, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. He says that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that we can abide in Him. Again, a simple thing that I often seem to find some way to make difficult.

The Windy City

Last week I had the great priviledge of heading north to some much cooler weather and enjoying a few days in Chicago. We went to the Willow Creek Small Groups Conference and enjoyed a great time listening to guys like Erwin McManus and Donald Miller. It was also special in that it was the first trip Kaley and I have gone on together without the little ones. It was hard to leave them but they had a wonderful time at "Fama's" (as gabe says) house. They got to see cows, ride Fama's tractor, and take some walks in the park. Thank you Fama!

The last afternoon we were there we went downtown to see the sights with our friends who hadn't been there before. We walked by Buckingham fountain, up the Magnificant Mile, and finished it off with a deep dish Gino's East pizza. If you haven't been downtown since 2004, you need to go check out Millenium park. We spent the bulk of our time checking out the new outdoor theater, the oversized chrome bean, and enjoying the fountain that you can walk through, it's really cool!

Immanuel

Some friends of mine are planting a church. They're reaching out to a community that is far from God and for the most part have no interest in drawing very close. Because of the negative experiences that they've had with the church and/or church folk, it's no wonder. I'm so excited that my friends have decided to dedicate their lives to helping these folks know that the God of the Universe, the Creator of heaven and earth, the God who created each and every one of us, loves them deeply and passionately and longs to know them.

I can only imagine the difficulty of the task that lies before my friends. Listening to them describe it, I think they are overwhelmed by the enormity of it, but absolutely and passionately committed to giving the rest of their lives to letting their new friends know how much God loves them.

They know that the reality of them making a difference in their new community will only happen by the grace and presence of God. In fact, they believe this so strongly that they've decided to name their church plant based on this very fact. It's called Immanuel. God with us. I love this. It isn't some gimicky way of trying to get God to bless whatever they feel or decided to do. Instead, they humbly recognize that without God, it doesn't really matter what they feel or decide to do. It only matters that God is with them. And if He is, then they will go and do whatever they must to let His children know how much He loves them.

And so my friends, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. May you be a blessing to your community, to the new friends that He will bring into your lives, and may they see the truth, the power, and the reality of the love of Jesus living in you. I love you and am praying for you.

Back in the saddle

Well, to say the least it's been awhile. I got out of the habit of blogging, I guess that is a sign of my lack of discipline or of being a true blogger. But I'm back in the saddle and ready to give it another go. I also have had a lot going on lately and I'm needing a place to sort some stuff out so I thought, why not do that on the internet? What better place could there be?

Gabe is growing up way too fast. He is now speaking in word combinations, like "Dada choochoo", which depending on where we are is either, "Dad, there's a firetruck" or "Dad, theres a choo choo train." Either way that phrase is typically followed up with "Scare you." He is a smart little rascal. He really puts stuff together quickly, and when you tell him something, he remembers. I think he gets that from his mom, she has an amazing memory.

He has also become a jumper. Just today I came home to find him waking up from his nap and K had gone in to get him up. They were joking together, he was holding on to the side of the crib and jumping up and down on his mattress. At some point K would say, "We all fall down" and he would crash down onto his bed. It was really cute, he's a funny little guy.

I also get a kick out of him because I am beginning to see some of the same dynmaics between he and I that I have with my own dad. I love to hug and kiss on him, just like my dad did on me. But what's funny is that he is not a snuggler. He never has been. Even when he was really little, about the only time he'd snuggle with you was when you were feeding him a bottle. But I love to grab him now and hug and kiss and he squirms away, laughing and giggling. I guess I can see now why my dad did that to me all the time. Something about holding your kid and kissing on him and laughing together, it's an amazing thing.

And Hallie? Holy guacamole, that girl has got me wrapped. Now, she is a cuddler, just like her daddy. She loves to be held and to snuggle and to pull in close to you. Sometimes K will bring her in and lay her down with me in the morning when I'm just waking up and Hallie will just talk. She's really trying to learn to sit up, it's really cute. She looks like she's making a commercial for Ab Crunches. She's ready for solid food to, she watches K and me like a hawk whenever we're eating. She is ready to take on a new challenge!

I must confess that I sometimes get sad, I've even shed a tear or two when I think about how these days won't always be around. One day Gabe and Hallie will be too cool for dad, one day there will be friends to see and events to go to, just like when I was a kid. They will grow up and move to new stages in life. Somehow, though, I don't know if I will ever grow out of this stage as a dad. I have a hard time imagining myself not looking at Gabe as my little boy that I can hug and kiss on, that I can tackle and roll around with on the floor as he squirms out of my arms. Or seeing Hallie as my baby girl that I can sweep up in my arms and hug and squeeze and cover with kisses on those precious little cheeks. But you know, I'm okay with that. I love being a dad. I love kissing on my son and snuggling with my daughter. They are both so precious to me, I wouldn't trade these days for ANYTHING!

More than words

Do you ever struggle to come up with what to say? Are you ever in a moment where you know you should say something meaningful, even something at all, and the moment comes and goes and you stand there speechless like an idiot? I seem to be having those moments a lot lately and I wonder if I'm losing my mind. I've been calling people the wrong name at the wrong time, or saying one thing when I mean another, or just plain fumbling over my words altogether. Seems I have this Achilles heal with overanalyzing everything that comes out of my mouth. I wish I could say it's taking each thought captive for Christ, but that wouldn't be honest. I'd like to think I measure my words, but in reality it's more like I measure, weigh, test, edit, revise, etc. Then I'm lucky if I say anything at all. Why is that? I mean, even now, as I write this, I've already made a few edits. Yeah, I know, I'm a weirdo.

I have some friends going through a hard time right now. I want so desperately to say something meaningful, but I come up empty so I don't say much, anything really, at all. I sit still and hope they know how I feel. It's making me nuts. I feel like a loser friend, which probably isn't too far off. Everyone knows it's not about me saying something to fix it, so why is the need to do that so powerful? As a counselor I talk to people about presence and not words when comforting others in hard times. If I've said that once I've said it a hundred times. Yet as easy as it comes out to others, just as easily it seems to vanish into thin air in my own life.

Well, they say the first step is to confess, so here it is: I don't know what to say. Anything I try seems to cheapen or simplify...nothing sounds or seems right...

That's good Karl because it's not about you. It's not about how you feel or what you think, it's about them. Can you let this be about them?

Good question.

Taken hold

I’ve been thinking about a lesson I was listening to a few weeks back over Philippians 3. The preacher remarked about the significance of being “taken hold of” by Christ. He shared how the only way we can hope to live the life that Jesus promised is if we live by His strength, if we’re “taken hold” by the strength He provides and not depending upon our own. He shared how he was “taken hold” by his wife and kids, that because of them he strove to be a better man than perhaps he’d be without them.

That idea really resonated with me. Perhaps because I’m recently a father for the second time, but the reality of who I am and who I want to be is on my mind a lot these days. I’m seeing the need for Christ in my life and ministry in ways that I haven’t before, and I’m wondering what if anything has the power to change me and my selfish heart --- and then I’m reminded by Paul’s words, that the answer doesn’t exist in my will power or ability to work harder, but only in being taken hold of by the strength and grace of the One by whom, and to whom, and through whom all things are made and held together. Amen!

Membership has its privileges

I got a gift certificate from a friend to a store here in town. They offer a discount to "members" of this store, but to purchase a membership would use up most of the gift certificate. I can still purchase items without the membership, but at a higher rate, of course. I don't want a membership, I just want to use my gift certificate.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Here are a couple more photos. No membership fee required!


Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful...


The new family photo!

Day 2 at home...

It's been a couple days now that I've been a dad for the second time. I'm still getting used to that. It is really fun to have a baby girl. I was laughing with a friend yesterday about the nurse who was giving Hallie her first bath. She said to me, "Now, can you imagine giving her away at her wedding one day?" I was thinking to myself, "I can hardly imagine making it through middle school." I guess every parent feels this way at some point in time, or at least I have twice now, once about 20 months ago and again 2 days ago. Does that feeling ever go away? (I think I know that answer).

At the same time, though, there is this amazing peace and joy that has filled my heart and our home with little Hallie. Gabe is still clueless about how his life has changed, I guess for that matter, so am I. So we're chugging along as one happy no-so-little family. Kaley's mom is here and will be for a few more days, that has been awesome. I wish she could stay longer, but in a week or so other reinforcements will arrive (right mom?)!! Hope you all enjoyed the pictures from yesterday, I'll try to add a few more tomorrow.

Lord, thanks for Hallie. She is precious and wonderful, please help me to be the Father she needs and deserves.

She's home!

What an amazing few days it's been! Our baby girl is home and a healthy 10lbs 2ozs and 22 inches long! Way to go K! Here are a few pictures for you, hope you enjoy them! Love you all!!


The star of the show, Ms. Hallie Denise


Our own little grouch potato and the 2 leading ladies in my life!



Yep, I'm totally wrapped!

Resistance is futile...or is it?

Why do we resist the very things we need? I wonder why many of my struggles aren't the result of not knowing what to do, but instead knowing what to do but not wanting to do it. Have you ever noticed that? The one thing we know we should do we don't want to do. I'm surprised at how strong my own will is sometimes to just shut down the Spirit's presence in me, to quench God's work in me. It makes me wonder how infinite God's patience and grace is. It also reminds me that me by my own sheer will or knowledge or elbow grease, I simply can't get the job done.

At the end of each day, God knows what's best. He really does. And yet he never flaunts it or holds it against me. I know this and believe this and yet I still struggle with it. For example, I see my friends hurting over their child who is struggling with serious health problems. I know they are strong believers and love God and are really good people. I know their suffering isn't the result of some mistake or anything on their own part. So why the suffering? Why the pain and heartache and tears? How does this fit into the plan? Why does this happen to anyone? Any answer that I can come up with is way too simple. It doesn't explain away the hurt or pain or struggle they as well as countless others experience every day. It causes me to rethink what it means to come to Jesus and never thirst again or hunger again. What does this look like in the face of great pain and hardship? Seems like I keep ending up with more questions than answers. I know in the end it will come together and we'll see, but I wish I could see something now - it makes it hard to sleep sometimes.

Lord, please bless my friends, may they know how much you love them. Lord, bless those who I don't know, who face great struggle everyday. Plese help me not resist so much the work of your Spirit but instead in humilty to submit to your leadership and trust in you, not in my own understanding.

Sacrifice

I was challenged today by my pastor to rethink my view on sacrifice. I guess for my whole life I'd assumed that a sacrifice was something you just did because you wanted to accomplish a goal in your life. It seemed to me to be something you just grit your teeth and do. Most of the time I wasn't happy about doing it, I just wanted to see something happen.

But as a Christ follower, what does it really mean to sacrifice? Is it this same idea --- we do it because we're supposed to, so we can please God or achieve some other spiritual goal? It's hard therefore it must be spiritual. Seems like I've mostly achieved feeling resentful about the sacrifice. Have you ever felt that way?

Well, my pastor painted me a picture of true sacrifice as having been done out of love not fear. He challenged me to think about how often I am actually willing to sacrifice something, not out of guilt or shame, but because I am truely thankful for what God has done and/or who God is in my life. When's the last time I WANTED to sacrifice something? I don't honestly know the answer to that question. I like to think I sacrifice for my family and for my ministry without expecting something back, that I am giving out of the goodness of my heart, but upon reflection I don't know if that's always the case. I think there is still a part of me that wants my sacrifice to be recognized, how much I'm giving up, how hard it is for me, so that it will be properly appreciated. I wonder how often I do this to God? --- "Lord, look at all the stuff I'm giving up for you, I hope you're keeping track because it's really hard and I'd like to get some extra credit here!"

I was really convicted by my pastor's challenge to view a sacrifice as something I'm willing to give up, not guilted into or coerced, but actually glad to do it. Not afraid that if I don't I'll lose credit with God. I'd like to think that sometimes I do this, for my family and for God. I guess my prayer is that I will do it more and more, "for the joy set before me", right?

Lord, help me to serve, love, and sacrifice as You do.

Do You Enjoy God?

I'm reading this book called Follow Me by Jan David Hettinga. He is writing about discipleship and what it means to follow Christ. He begins by describing what kind of a leader God is and then moves into why we tend to rebel. After explaining the kind of leader Christ is, he stops and asks a few questions for meditation. I was particularly struck by this one:

--- Do you enjoy God? Have you found Him to be approachable, likable, lovable? Do you appreciate the safety of His humility?

I don't know if I've really considered any of these questions lately. My walk lately has felt more like a march, one foot after the other, keepin' on keeping on. I don't know the last time I stopped to see whether or not God was approachable or likable, I guess I've been too busy "working". Why is that? I serve a God that is gentle and humble in heart, who promises rest for my soul, who says He'll never leave me or forsake me. I guess the next question must be, do I believe that? As Hettinga says, do I appreciate the safety of His humility? In short, probably not. I am stuck in the mindset that leaders serve their own ends, they go after their own agendas, why in the world would I trust them with my innermost thoughts or feelings much less my brokenness? Isn't that weakness? Won't that get me in trouble, or at least send me down a couple rungs on the ladder? Those are some of the thoughts and questions that inevitably run through my mind...

But when I read about Jesus, when I hear His words in the gospels, something in my heart begins to beat faster and compels me to move closer. I must admit there is this powerful urge to step in close, like the bleeding woman, and just touch the hem of his cloak. Even that, I believe, even that would heal me, would satisfy my deepest desire. There is this overwhelming desire to just blurt it all out, all my fears, my hurts, my hopes, all the things that I lie in bed at night going over and over in my mind. So, maybe I do appreciate the safety of His humility, perhaps I just don't take advantage of it enough.

The Lifeboat

I recently finished a book called "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller. You may have read his other book, Blue Like Jazz, or maybe never heard of him at all. Anyway, I was really challenged by several things he said in this book and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who's wondering about God questions and what life is about.

My wife is a middle school counselor and I was laughing with her about a couple remarks he has about his life as a middle-schooler. He described an interesting conversation his teacher led in class one day. It was an exercise in ethics and she presented the topic like this: (paraphrase of his words of her words) "There are 6 people in a lifeboat. (I don't remember the 6 so I'll make them up) A lawyer, a doctor, a librarian, a musician, a janitor, and an unemployed person. There is only room for 5 in the boat and if you don't toss someone out, the boat will sink and everyone will die. Who do you think should get tossed out?"

Miller recounts at the time how the class offered up different people to walk the plank and how there were reasons for why each person should go. He goes on to talk about how though it was only an exercise in class, he could see how it was much more descriptive of life than the teacher probably imagined. Even at such a young age he could articulate what the "lifeboat" mentality looked like in his school. As he grew the mentality didn't fade away, it just grew stronger but less overt. There is this whole social structure that is invisible, no one ever talks about it or refers to it, it's kind of this unwritten code that we all get indoctrinated in from an early age, probably late elemenatary or early middle school, and it lasts the rest of our lives.

I know exactly what he is talking about. I can remember in school that there were always the cool people, the loners, the jocks, the preps, the stoners, and the outcasts. Again, most of this was not verbalized among students, but it was definitely lived by, myself included.

Miller argues that this code has been around since the begining of time, as a consequence of the fall. He says that Adam and Eve were once in a place where their identity was so fulfilled through their relationship to God that they walked around naked and didn't even realize it. But after the fall, the first thing they did instinctively was cover up. No longer was the issue of identity clear and fulfilled, now it was in question. Miller then talks about how Jesus came and completed violated all the unwritten rules of this code when he walked the earth. He looked around and saw these people living by this foolish standard of trying to prove to other people why they shouldn't be tossed out of the boat. Their whole lives were centered around staying at the top of the ladder, constantly proving their worth in the boat. Jesus comes along and says that not only is this a waste of time, there is no boat to be tossed out of in the first place. Each and every person is loved by God for he/she was created in His image. The question of God fulfilling our identity was not missing, it's just that now there's competition.

I've been thinking about this a lot this past week. How much of my life have I wasted trying to prove to myself or others that I am worthy to stay in the boat? This is such a powerful urge in me that I also catch myself trying to prove to God why I should be worthy of His grace and love. Jesus says, "So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matt 6:31-33).

It's amazing to me that Christians like myself, who don't really understand the call of Christ, end up spending our lives running after the very things the pagans, those who don't know Christ, run after. That is really a sobering thought. Makes me wonder if this is part of what Jesus meant when he said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. "

A much needed getaway...

It's been about 6 years since I've been up to the New Mexico mountains. As a child I would come here at least twice a year with my family. Once in the summer and then once in the winter when we could snow ski. We traveled up here for a little vacation, some R&R before the Fall hits with a vengence. The weather is gorgeous, daytime is in the 70s, nighttime in the low 50s. Very different from the 100 degree weather of Austin.

We got up about 7am this morning, mostly because we couldn't sleep any later and Gabe was up and ready to face the day. Outside the sun was shining and we could see the wind dancing through the leaves of the Aspen tree just outside our front door. What a beautiful thing to wake up to.

We went into town to do the grocery store run, always a fun adventure. Gabe is always getting tons of attention and flirting with as many girls as possible, his PawPaw would've been proud. Afterwards it was back home for a nap and then dinner. Aren't vacations the best?!

I was thinking about our friends who arrived in their new home out in California today. I am so excited for this new stage in their lives, I know God has much in store for them. But I must also confess, I miss them already. It's only been 1 day since they left and yet it feels like it's been longer. I wish that they didn't have to leave and I've been wishing lately that I didn't love them so much, it only makes it that much harder. To be totally honest though, I wouldn't trade one minute of the last 5 years with them. I believe that part of the beauty of community is knowing and being known, loving and being loved, celebrating and being celebrated, and I can say without one doubt that I shared this with my friends. Thanks Brad and Linn for being such wonderful friends to me and my family, we love and miss you and look forward to being with you again soon!

The Birthday Boy

Today Gabe turns 1 year old. I can't believe it! My wife and I were just thinking about how strange it is sometimes to look down and see this precious little boy and know that he is ours! I wonder if this feeling ever goes away or if it continues to show up at each new stage in life. I think about my parents and all that they have seen in the 35 years that my siblings and I have been around, and I wonder what is yet to come in my own family.

I think too of what my mom shared with me after Gabe was born. She said that when you experience having a child you see and understand your relationship to God in a new way, a deeper way. He gives you a window into understanding how He feels about you, how He sees you and all the potential and hopes and dreams. What an amazing and awesome experience.

And now a year later, I can hardly imagine what life would be like without him. I can only liken it a little to being married --- I can't really remember what my life was like before I met Kaley. I mean I remember stuff but most of it's hazy, that is until she walked into my life. From that time on it seems like so much has come into focus. I love being married and I love being a dad, what an amazing thing!

Son, I know you can't read yet but one day soon you will. I look forward to that day, but not at the expense of the ones I have with you now. I am so proud of you and love you more than words can express, and that I can promise will NEVER change. I pray that your first birthday will be one of many to come filled with joy and hope and the anticipation of the life God has set before you.

Father, thank you for your Son, and thank you for my son. May he grow to know the love his mom and I have for him, but even greater than that, may he know the love that You have for him!

What a difference a month makes...

It's been awhile since my last post. A lot has happened since May 23rd. My wife and I both passed the 30 year old birthday milestone and my son is getting ready to pass his first. I also experienced my first Father's Day as a father. It's also been neat to see God working in the lives of folks all around me. I was just reading the blog of a friend of mine who lives in NYC. His newborn son has had and still has many health problems. He's been in the NICU for over 2 months, and probably has at least another 2 to go. My friend Joe was recounting the gracious act of their neighbors who over the course of this past month raised money to send he and his wife on a weekend excursion in the city. What an awesome example of the hands of Christ reaching out to bless!

It got me wondering how much I miss on a daily basis -- how often does Jesus walk by and I don't notice? Or do I walk by him and totally miss it? What experience am I having right now that a week from now I'll look back and wonder why I wasn't paying attention? I guess some of this is only seen in hindsight, but I hope and pray that God will continue to open my eyes to what He's doing.

Been out on the lake lately?

Today I had a great conversation with my dad. We spent a little while at an Austin coffee shop talking about our hopes and dreams and what things we'd like to see happen in the future. We spoke about the state of the Church, how it is affecting and relating to the culture, and what really it means to follow Jesus. All this in an hour or so, pretty impressive huh?

He related a story about a recent trip he took down to Mexico where he and a few other served a local church there by helping them renovate and restore their building. It was run down and in need of a large dose of tlc. My dad was struck by the genuine faith of the people there, how they relied so much and how they trusted so deeply in God for daily provision. We spoke about how it sometimes feels that we can pretty much live most of our life and not need to trust in God for provision. We have good jobs, we can have most anything we want, we don't worry about where our next meal will come from. It presents such a radical choice to Christ --- why do we need Jesus if we can provide everything for ourselves? Unfortunately the church has not done a very good job of showing why. Perhaps we've forgotten, perhaps I've forgotten, what He means to us, maybe we, I, never really knew in the first place. Mostly we come to God with a personal or other crisis, but between those times it's business as usual.

These words of Christ came to mind as I was reflecting on our conversation:

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Matthew 6:24

The wisdome found in these words is amazing. Our culture has sold us so subtly on this it's not even funny; in fact it's rather scary. I can see in myself how often I rely on my own abilities to provide and take care of myself, my wife, and my son. I don't think about it as serving money, I think about it as providing for my family. Now, I am not saying we shouldn't work hard, I'm just saying do we ever do anything by faith anymore? Do we ever step out in a direction in which the only way that things will work out is if God provides, or do we hang close to shore, keeping our arms and legs inside the ride at all times? Do we demonstrate our faith in God by giving sacrificially, trusting that he knows what we need and will provide or do we continually store up for a rainy day? Or reaching out to someone in need, trusting that even though we don't have all the answers we know the One who does? (By the way, if you don't like the questions I'm asking, stay out of Matthew 6).

I'm convinced, at least for myself, that this lack of trust keeps me inside the boat most of the time I'm with Jesus. Unfortunately that's not where the action is. To borrow a line from a favorite author of mine, if you're going to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat.

Lord, increase my faith, increase my trust, give me the courage to follow you out onto the water.

A God who never sleeps...

I was thinking tonight about the begining of my week. First of all, I am NOT a morning person, which my son happens to be! Every morning at the crack of 5:30am, Gabe wakes up and beckons my wife and I to join him in his blissful joy as he greets the morning (or at least to get him out of his crib!). I struggle to get out of bed without running into something until I get my contacts in. Most every morning my precious wife gets up with him which allows me to sleep a little longer. I have tried getting up a few times lately because the morning is often Gabe's best time of the day and usually my only time with him all day. Because of a hectic work schedule he's typically down for bed by the time I get home, so mornings are an important time for dad & son. But I must confess, more often than not I give in to the need for sleep, or if I do happen to get up, it's usually with one eye open and me still half asleep. Thus, Gabe doesn't always get the full daddy experience.

I was also reading tonight Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip — he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you — the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.


I was reminded that I serve a God who never sleeps or slumbers, He doesn't get up in the morning to kind of listen to me with one eye open and one closed, wishing he could get just 10 more minutes of good deep sleep. Instead He is always fully awake, listening and watching over His precious ones. What a joy it is to know that our God doesn't get groggy and grumpy from lack of sleep, instead He is always like my son is each morning, fully alive and ready to engage with us in relationship! Thank you Lord for being my help each day, for watching over me as I come and go both now and forever. I love you!

How do you smell?

Opinions. We all have them. It's funny to me how we pick and choose the things that we'll get upset and fight about, especially when it comes to the church. We get really mad at folks that want to bring in certain changes, but then others seem to be no problem. Why is that? Why do we pick and choose?

I think sometimes it has to do with our experience and how we grow up. How open to change were our parents? How willing were they to entertain different ideas and explore new things? Some of it is definitely comfort, how much does this change pull me out of my comfort zone. I guess some is education and maturity, how often do we sit at Jesus' feet and allow him to teach us, grow us, transform our hearts.

There is a woman at my church who is a spiritual hero of mine. Over the course of her life she's suffered the loss of two husbands through death, a number of family heartbreaks, along with other disappointments, and yet when you talk with her now she is so peaceful and full of grace. When changes occur, she does not react with harshness or angry words of fear, but instead welcomes conversation and always goes back to love. She is to me the epitomy of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 4:16 --

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

Everyday my friend is drawn closer to the heart of God, and the aroma of Christ that exudes from her grows sweeter and sweeter by the hour. I hope to one day smell half as sweet as she.

No Substitue for Experience

I was talking with a friend over lunch today who serves in ministry here in Austin. I was inspired by something he's doing --- on his day off he's substitute teaching at the high school where most of his students attend. We were talking about how most of the spiritual formation process in church today happens at the head level and rarely does it make it down to our hearts. The experience of faith has been overshadowed by the knowledge of faith. It reminded me of a couple things I'd read earlier this week:


"Jesus facilitated spiritual formation in his disciples by introducing them to life situations and then helping them debrief their experiences."
Reggie McNeal --- This Present Future


"...we have several challenges to meet. First, we must re-train our vision so that we can recognize the reign of God. This means sitting at the feet of the one who first recognized and announced the nearness of the kingdom. This means we should know Jesus better than we know Paul. I trust Paul wouldn't have it any other way."
Katie Hayes --- Evangelism as Companionship (The Gospel in Culture 14: 3/4)


I am struck that when it comes to Paul's words, most of what we talk about and dwell on falls somewhere in the doctrinal arena. However, we quickly, or at least I quickly gloss over Paul's goal in all his writings: pointing to Christ! Paul's focus in all that he says, all that he is about, everything he does, it's all designed to point back to Christ. So, why don't I spend more time looking where Paul pointed?

I guess the reality is it's easier to learn something than to live something. When you look at Christ, what you see is faith lived out. Jesus never just leaves it at the head level, he always pushes to the heart, he moves you to experience, just like his disciples. To understand Paul we have to understand Jesus, we must know him not just in our mind, but in the experience of our lives.