Do You Enjoy God?

I'm reading this book called Follow Me by Jan David Hettinga. He is writing about discipleship and what it means to follow Christ. He begins by describing what kind of a leader God is and then moves into why we tend to rebel. After explaining the kind of leader Christ is, he stops and asks a few questions for meditation. I was particularly struck by this one:

--- Do you enjoy God? Have you found Him to be approachable, likable, lovable? Do you appreciate the safety of His humility?

I don't know if I've really considered any of these questions lately. My walk lately has felt more like a march, one foot after the other, keepin' on keeping on. I don't know the last time I stopped to see whether or not God was approachable or likable, I guess I've been too busy "working". Why is that? I serve a God that is gentle and humble in heart, who promises rest for my soul, who says He'll never leave me or forsake me. I guess the next question must be, do I believe that? As Hettinga says, do I appreciate the safety of His humility? In short, probably not. I am stuck in the mindset that leaders serve their own ends, they go after their own agendas, why in the world would I trust them with my innermost thoughts or feelings much less my brokenness? Isn't that weakness? Won't that get me in trouble, or at least send me down a couple rungs on the ladder? Those are some of the thoughts and questions that inevitably run through my mind...

But when I read about Jesus, when I hear His words in the gospels, something in my heart begins to beat faster and compels me to move closer. I must admit there is this powerful urge to step in close, like the bleeding woman, and just touch the hem of his cloak. Even that, I believe, even that would heal me, would satisfy my deepest desire. There is this overwhelming desire to just blurt it all out, all my fears, my hurts, my hopes, all the things that I lie in bed at night going over and over in my mind. So, maybe I do appreciate the safety of His humility, perhaps I just don't take advantage of it enough.