Merry Christmas!!

May your holiday season be full of joy and peace. Much love and best wishes!

My 1st Vlog --- A Day @ home with Dad

I know you are but what am I?

I've been thinking about something a friend of mine said the other day --- "Christianity is not a vehilce to a better life for me." He used this phrase when describing a self-revelation he'd recently had about his life up to this point, even his decision to follow Christ (how will this make my life better?). I was blown away by his honesty; first, because this is one of the most humble people I know & second, because I had this sudden vision of myself while he was talking. I know, I know, how selfish of me to have a vision of myself when my friend is sharing that he struggles with pride. Ironic isn't it? You don't know the half of it!

Anyway, back to me, these words have been following me around the last few days. It's got me thinking about why I'm following Christ. It's got me thinking about why I would encourage another person to follow Christ. It's got me thinking about why I should be following Christ, or at least why I shouldn't.

How can following Him be about Him if it's about what it will do for me? Shouldn't it be about what it will do for Him?

Here's what I know so far: following Jesus begins with laying down your crown and picking up a cross, surrendering your will to His will, allowing His life to be your life. A simple start, or at least so I think, and yet somehow the crown keeps getting reattached to my head. It seems that this "vehicle", I've never thought of it that way, has gotten me pretty far in life, and yet at the same time, it's never arrived at a satisfying destination. I don't end up where I want to be. Do you ever feel that way? But here I go again with all the "me" stuff. That may be the key right there.

I guess the thing that bothered me the most about what my friend said the other night, is that it got me thinking that the Jesus that I've been following lately looks way too much like me, and I don't like it.

8 years and counting...

My wife and I celebrated our 8th anniversary tonight. It doesn't feel like 8 years; in fact, it's gone by so fast that it's hard to believe that it's even been that long. I am so blessed to have the most loving, wonderful, and beautiful wife. She's patient and full of grace, an amazing mother to our two children, and always there to encourage me whenever I'm down. I love you K!

So hard

Why do we make simple things hard? I've been thinking about this question lately as it seems to be a recurring one in my life. Instead of making a simple choice and being content with it, I get greedy or needy or insecure and make a harder choice which ultimately ends leaving me stressed out, frustrated, and/or unfulfilled.

It makes me think of Jesus' words about not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow will have enough worry of its own. Instead, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. He says that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that we can abide in Him. Again, a simple thing that I often seem to find some way to make difficult.

The Windy City

Last week I had the great priviledge of heading north to some much cooler weather and enjoying a few days in Chicago. We went to the Willow Creek Small Groups Conference and enjoyed a great time listening to guys like Erwin McManus and Donald Miller. It was also special in that it was the first trip Kaley and I have gone on together without the little ones. It was hard to leave them but they had a wonderful time at "Fama's" (as gabe says) house. They got to see cows, ride Fama's tractor, and take some walks in the park. Thank you Fama!

The last afternoon we were there we went downtown to see the sights with our friends who hadn't been there before. We walked by Buckingham fountain, up the Magnificant Mile, and finished it off with a deep dish Gino's East pizza. If you haven't been downtown since 2004, you need to go check out Millenium park. We spent the bulk of our time checking out the new outdoor theater, the oversized chrome bean, and enjoying the fountain that you can walk through, it's really cool!

Immanuel

Some friends of mine are planting a church. They're reaching out to a community that is far from God and for the most part have no interest in drawing very close. Because of the negative experiences that they've had with the church and/or church folk, it's no wonder. I'm so excited that my friends have decided to dedicate their lives to helping these folks know that the God of the Universe, the Creator of heaven and earth, the God who created each and every one of us, loves them deeply and passionately and longs to know them.

I can only imagine the difficulty of the task that lies before my friends. Listening to them describe it, I think they are overwhelmed by the enormity of it, but absolutely and passionately committed to giving the rest of their lives to letting their new friends know how much God loves them.

They know that the reality of them making a difference in their new community will only happen by the grace and presence of God. In fact, they believe this so strongly that they've decided to name their church plant based on this very fact. It's called Immanuel. God with us. I love this. It isn't some gimicky way of trying to get God to bless whatever they feel or decided to do. Instead, they humbly recognize that without God, it doesn't really matter what they feel or decide to do. It only matters that God is with them. And if He is, then they will go and do whatever they must to let His children know how much He loves them.

And so my friends, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. May you be a blessing to your community, to the new friends that He will bring into your lives, and may they see the truth, the power, and the reality of the love of Jesus living in you. I love you and am praying for you.

Back in the saddle

Well, to say the least it's been awhile. I got out of the habit of blogging, I guess that is a sign of my lack of discipline or of being a true blogger. But I'm back in the saddle and ready to give it another go. I also have had a lot going on lately and I'm needing a place to sort some stuff out so I thought, why not do that on the internet? What better place could there be?

Gabe is growing up way too fast. He is now speaking in word combinations, like "Dada choochoo", which depending on where we are is either, "Dad, there's a firetruck" or "Dad, theres a choo choo train." Either way that phrase is typically followed up with "Scare you." He is a smart little rascal. He really puts stuff together quickly, and when you tell him something, he remembers. I think he gets that from his mom, she has an amazing memory.

He has also become a jumper. Just today I came home to find him waking up from his nap and K had gone in to get him up. They were joking together, he was holding on to the side of the crib and jumping up and down on his mattress. At some point K would say, "We all fall down" and he would crash down onto his bed. It was really cute, he's a funny little guy.

I also get a kick out of him because I am beginning to see some of the same dynmaics between he and I that I have with my own dad. I love to hug and kiss on him, just like my dad did on me. But what's funny is that he is not a snuggler. He never has been. Even when he was really little, about the only time he'd snuggle with you was when you were feeding him a bottle. But I love to grab him now and hug and kiss and he squirms away, laughing and giggling. I guess I can see now why my dad did that to me all the time. Something about holding your kid and kissing on him and laughing together, it's an amazing thing.

And Hallie? Holy guacamole, that girl has got me wrapped. Now, she is a cuddler, just like her daddy. She loves to be held and to snuggle and to pull in close to you. Sometimes K will bring her in and lay her down with me in the morning when I'm just waking up and Hallie will just talk. She's really trying to learn to sit up, it's really cute. She looks like she's making a commercial for Ab Crunches. She's ready for solid food to, she watches K and me like a hawk whenever we're eating. She is ready to take on a new challenge!

I must confess that I sometimes get sad, I've even shed a tear or two when I think about how these days won't always be around. One day Gabe and Hallie will be too cool for dad, one day there will be friends to see and events to go to, just like when I was a kid. They will grow up and move to new stages in life. Somehow, though, I don't know if I will ever grow out of this stage as a dad. I have a hard time imagining myself not looking at Gabe as my little boy that I can hug and kiss on, that I can tackle and roll around with on the floor as he squirms out of my arms. Or seeing Hallie as my baby girl that I can sweep up in my arms and hug and squeeze and cover with kisses on those precious little cheeks. But you know, I'm okay with that. I love being a dad. I love kissing on my son and snuggling with my daughter. They are both so precious to me, I wouldn't trade these days for ANYTHING!

More than words

Do you ever struggle to come up with what to say? Are you ever in a moment where you know you should say something meaningful, even something at all, and the moment comes and goes and you stand there speechless like an idiot? I seem to be having those moments a lot lately and I wonder if I'm losing my mind. I've been calling people the wrong name at the wrong time, or saying one thing when I mean another, or just plain fumbling over my words altogether. Seems I have this Achilles heal with overanalyzing everything that comes out of my mouth. I wish I could say it's taking each thought captive for Christ, but that wouldn't be honest. I'd like to think I measure my words, but in reality it's more like I measure, weigh, test, edit, revise, etc. Then I'm lucky if I say anything at all. Why is that? I mean, even now, as I write this, I've already made a few edits. Yeah, I know, I'm a weirdo.

I have some friends going through a hard time right now. I want so desperately to say something meaningful, but I come up empty so I don't say much, anything really, at all. I sit still and hope they know how I feel. It's making me nuts. I feel like a loser friend, which probably isn't too far off. Everyone knows it's not about me saying something to fix it, so why is the need to do that so powerful? As a counselor I talk to people about presence and not words when comforting others in hard times. If I've said that once I've said it a hundred times. Yet as easy as it comes out to others, just as easily it seems to vanish into thin air in my own life.

Well, they say the first step is to confess, so here it is: I don't know what to say. Anything I try seems to cheapen or simplify...nothing sounds or seems right...

That's good Karl because it's not about you. It's not about how you feel or what you think, it's about them. Can you let this be about them?

Good question.

Taken hold

I’ve been thinking about a lesson I was listening to a few weeks back over Philippians 3. The preacher remarked about the significance of being “taken hold of” by Christ. He shared how the only way we can hope to live the life that Jesus promised is if we live by His strength, if we’re “taken hold” by the strength He provides and not depending upon our own. He shared how he was “taken hold” by his wife and kids, that because of them he strove to be a better man than perhaps he’d be without them.

That idea really resonated with me. Perhaps because I’m recently a father for the second time, but the reality of who I am and who I want to be is on my mind a lot these days. I’m seeing the need for Christ in my life and ministry in ways that I haven’t before, and I’m wondering what if anything has the power to change me and my selfish heart --- and then I’m reminded by Paul’s words, that the answer doesn’t exist in my will power or ability to work harder, but only in being taken hold of by the strength and grace of the One by whom, and to whom, and through whom all things are made and held together. Amen!

Membership has its privileges

I got a gift certificate from a friend to a store here in town. They offer a discount to "members" of this store, but to purchase a membership would use up most of the gift certificate. I can still purchase items without the membership, but at a higher rate, of course. I don't want a membership, I just want to use my gift certificate.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Here are a couple more photos. No membership fee required!


Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful...


The new family photo!

Day 2 at home...

It's been a couple days now that I've been a dad for the second time. I'm still getting used to that. It is really fun to have a baby girl. I was laughing with a friend yesterday about the nurse who was giving Hallie her first bath. She said to me, "Now, can you imagine giving her away at her wedding one day?" I was thinking to myself, "I can hardly imagine making it through middle school." I guess every parent feels this way at some point in time, or at least I have twice now, once about 20 months ago and again 2 days ago. Does that feeling ever go away? (I think I know that answer).

At the same time, though, there is this amazing peace and joy that has filled my heart and our home with little Hallie. Gabe is still clueless about how his life has changed, I guess for that matter, so am I. So we're chugging along as one happy no-so-little family. Kaley's mom is here and will be for a few more days, that has been awesome. I wish she could stay longer, but in a week or so other reinforcements will arrive (right mom?)!! Hope you all enjoyed the pictures from yesterday, I'll try to add a few more tomorrow.

Lord, thanks for Hallie. She is precious and wonderful, please help me to be the Father she needs and deserves.

She's home!

What an amazing few days it's been! Our baby girl is home and a healthy 10lbs 2ozs and 22 inches long! Way to go K! Here are a few pictures for you, hope you enjoy them! Love you all!!


The star of the show, Ms. Hallie Denise


Our own little grouch potato and the 2 leading ladies in my life!



Yep, I'm totally wrapped!

Resistance is futile...or is it?

Why do we resist the very things we need? I wonder why many of my struggles aren't the result of not knowing what to do, but instead knowing what to do but not wanting to do it. Have you ever noticed that? The one thing we know we should do we don't want to do. I'm surprised at how strong my own will is sometimes to just shut down the Spirit's presence in me, to quench God's work in me. It makes me wonder how infinite God's patience and grace is. It also reminds me that me by my own sheer will or knowledge or elbow grease, I simply can't get the job done.

At the end of each day, God knows what's best. He really does. And yet he never flaunts it or holds it against me. I know this and believe this and yet I still struggle with it. For example, I see my friends hurting over their child who is struggling with serious health problems. I know they are strong believers and love God and are really good people. I know their suffering isn't the result of some mistake or anything on their own part. So why the suffering? Why the pain and heartache and tears? How does this fit into the plan? Why does this happen to anyone? Any answer that I can come up with is way too simple. It doesn't explain away the hurt or pain or struggle they as well as countless others experience every day. It causes me to rethink what it means to come to Jesus and never thirst again or hunger again. What does this look like in the face of great pain and hardship? Seems like I keep ending up with more questions than answers. I know in the end it will come together and we'll see, but I wish I could see something now - it makes it hard to sleep sometimes.

Lord, please bless my friends, may they know how much you love them. Lord, bless those who I don't know, who face great struggle everyday. Plese help me not resist so much the work of your Spirit but instead in humilty to submit to your leadership and trust in you, not in my own understanding.