I know you are but what am I?

I've been thinking about something a friend of mine said the other day --- "Christianity is not a vehilce to a better life for me." He used this phrase when describing a self-revelation he'd recently had about his life up to this point, even his decision to follow Christ (how will this make my life better?). I was blown away by his honesty; first, because this is one of the most humble people I know & second, because I had this sudden vision of myself while he was talking. I know, I know, how selfish of me to have a vision of myself when my friend is sharing that he struggles with pride. Ironic isn't it? You don't know the half of it!

Anyway, back to me, these words have been following me around the last few days. It's got me thinking about why I'm following Christ. It's got me thinking about why I would encourage another person to follow Christ. It's got me thinking about why I should be following Christ, or at least why I shouldn't.

How can following Him be about Him if it's about what it will do for me? Shouldn't it be about what it will do for Him?

Here's what I know so far: following Jesus begins with laying down your crown and picking up a cross, surrendering your will to His will, allowing His life to be your life. A simple start, or at least so I think, and yet somehow the crown keeps getting reattached to my head. It seems that this "vehicle", I've never thought of it that way, has gotten me pretty far in life, and yet at the same time, it's never arrived at a satisfying destination. I don't end up where I want to be. Do you ever feel that way? But here I go again with all the "me" stuff. That may be the key right there.

I guess the thing that bothered me the most about what my friend said the other night, is that it got me thinking that the Jesus that I've been following lately looks way too much like me, and I don't like it.