Submission and Leadership

"The reason submission is avoided is that it almost always involves some kind of dying."

~ Scott Bessenecker

Struggling with this sentence today as I'm reading Bessenecker's book How to Inherit the Earth. His premise is that to follow Jesus we must be willing to submit our will to His will, which is exactly what Jesus himself modeled to us. But our resistence to Jesus' teaching is born out of our own pride and selfishness. He says if I do something that someone wants me to do, that I have no objection to doing in the first place, then it's not submission. Rather, submission involves doing something that goes against my own plans/will/desire; in other words, doing something I would mind doing in the first place.

I tend to agree with this, even if it does hurt my feelings to hear it. Submission isn't easy for me; real submission that is. I don't mind submitting to my bosses, who almost 100% of the time treat me with kindness, love, equality, loyalty, etc. Same with my wife. But when it comes to something where I stand to lose something, whether that's status, $, influence, etc...well, that's a different story. I've got some work to do...or rather, the Holy Spirit does, and I need to make some room for him to get after it.

What is love?

"If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. It may be affection, it may be warmth of feeling, but it has not the true nature of love in it." ~ Oswald Chambers from My Utmost for His Highest

Back at it again today. The Lord has been working me over pretty good these past couple weeks, exposing just how deep my selfishness runs. It is a wonderfully terrifying experience, I'd highly recommend it.

With some friends last week we read this excerpt in light of the experience Jesus had in Luke 7, when Simon the Pharisee invites him over for a meal. Perhaps you remember the story - Jesus enters the house and is seated at the table. From the moment he comes in, a woman is weeping at his feet, wetting them with her tears and drying them with her hair. She's brought a jar of perfume and with it she annoints Jesus' feet. All the while, the crowd and Simon are wondering what He's doing allowing this woman to touch him. Jesus, knowing this, tells Simon this story:

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Jesus goes on to tell Simon: "...whoever has been forgiven little loves little." Simon steps into a question that I don't know he's ready to answer -- what's he been forgiven of? This is not a comfortable question...I know, from experience. Once again I was confronted with this question --- How much have I been forgiven?

I've grown up in the church, hearing about grace and forgiveness, sin and repentance, heaven and hell all of my life. In some ways I've become innoculated to these words, to these ideas, and I find myself trying to remember what exactly it was that Jesus saved me from in the first place. I'm a good guy, I pay my taxes and work hard at my job. I love my family and I'm faithful to my wife. I go to church every Sunday and help people when I can. I don't need that much forgiveness right? At least not compared to some other folks I know.

Ahhh, and there it is. Once again I'm exposed. It's about me again, what I've done or what I can do. I feel a little kinship with Simon. My guess is that he was a more moral person than I - the Pharisees were VERY serious about keeping the law - every last letter. But when I read this story I imagine that I might have acted very similarly. When I read Luke 7 (it may just be me) I sense in Simon a genuine interest in Jesus. So much so that he invited Jesus over to get a closer look at his life, to ask him questions and listen to his answers. And perhaps lost in this infatuation he'd forgotten to give Jesus the simple dignity of a proper welcome or hospitality befitting of a rabbi. What can you do for me here Jesus, how can you improve my life? And all the while the power of Jesus is being displayed in the life of this woman whom he only sees as interference to what he's really after.

Jesus, as he does so often, tells a simple story and blows up Simon's world (mine too). I'm still working on the particulars and how they fit together....all I know is that I'm cut to the heart again. He who has been forgiven little, loves little. Is that really me? Do I really believe I need Jesus (do I love Him) or am I just looking to pick up a few extra tips on how to live a Godly life so that when I die God "has" to let me in to heaven? Ouch. I have a feeling this one's going to sting for awhile.

Ya'll Ready for This?

I've been sitting with this passage the past day or so...rather, it's been following me around. Does that ever happen to you? Well, anyway, here it is: (from the Message translation)

"To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously." Luke 6:27-30

I get barely a verse in and have to stop - "Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst." Think about that for a minute. Imagine if that were true of you today...no matter what evil or difficulty you faced, it brought out the best in you. That seems like an extraordinary thing until I start thinking about how I deal with the non-enemies in my life - friends, family, or even casual acquaintances. My mind immediately goes into "Dad-mode" here, I think of the last few times when my kids have been fighting or whining or complaining. That doesn't bring out the best in me. Or I think of driving around Austin in traffic. That doesn't bring out the best in me. Or those times deeper down in my heart, when I'm anxious about money, or buying a new car, or some health concern. Those doesn't bring out the best in me either.

So I go back to the passage and I read some more. Now I'm just getting annoyed. When someone bugs you, respond with prayer. When they hurt you, turn the other cheek. When they take advantage of you, practice service. What in the world is this? This goes totally against a basic principle that I have lived my life by since before I can remember: FAIRNESS. If someone hurts me, there's supposed to be an authority that swoops in makes it right. When I'm treated unfairly the whole world should know and that person should be shamed into making it right with me. When an enemy lines up against me, it's my duty to take them out. From pre-school to the football field to the workplace. It's me against you, or him, or her. Whoever...it's me against somebody.

This passage completely blows that up. And not just a little bit. It smashes it; it obliterates it. The only thing left standing is my selfishness and pride...it begs the question that Jesus starts with: Are you ready for the truth? Well, here's the truth for me - I've spent most of the last 25 yrs of my life following Jesus, trying to at least, and yesterday the answer to this question, if I'm really honest, is no. I don't know if I'm ready for the truth if that's the truth. I want to be ready; in my head I know that's the best way to live. In fact, if you read verse 35, Jesus says that very thing: "I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it." The times in my life I've lived this way, I don't regret those times. In fact, those times are some of the sweetest, most nourishing times in my life. And yesterday my world got flipped upside down again, because somehow I've been lulled back into the game again. RACQUET!! I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Life has become about me again - that's really not much of a life.

Lord, today I want the answer to be yes. I want to be ready for the truth. I want to live in such a way that no matter what I face, it would bring out the best in me. I want to parent my kids not out of selfishness or anger, but out of love, discipline, and grace. I want to treat my friends and family with grace and hope. I want to treat my enemies with peace and service, that your name would be glorified, and those who don't know You would be drawn close to You. Thank you Jesus, for the words of life, that today cut deep me deep to the core, and remind me of the hope that is only found in You. May your Spirit forgive me, heal me, and strengthen me to be the man you've created me to be.

Hello Old Friend

Well, well, well. If it isn't my old friend de Karlos. It's been awhile...long time, no write. What's been shakin'? Seems as if a couple years have passed by, and I guess it's because a couple have, or at least a year and a half have. But I'm doing better, I've lost some weight, I've gained some back, but overall things are very different for me. I think I'm ready to give this thing a try again. Reading is believing though, huh? Yeah, I figured you'd say that.

So, here goes. Gabe's been rocking 1st grade and Hallie has been rolling through pre-school like tank. What an amazing thing to see happen, life unfolding before you in the crazy mix of "time standing still / time flying by" video stream. I look at pictures from just a couple months ago and I'm wondering where those kids went. I look at pictures of me and wonder where that white clump of hair on my head has come from?! The other day my wife says, "Karl, it looks so nice. And it's so soft!" And I'm thinking, because it's on my head and not yours sister! Anyway, time marches on, or at least it seems to sometimes...

Another semester has come and gone. This makes 21 of them we've been through. Just last night we were talking with a friend and now that we've been at this for 10yrs when people ask us about things we've done in LFC, it's all starting to run together. Was that 2 yrs ago? Maybe 3? Oh yeah, that was like 7 yrs ago. Years used to seem so distinctive -- that was during my 1st year in ministry or that was my 3rd. Now I can remember the first day on the job, a few other trips here and there, but a large part has seemed to wave bye bye to my brain and left for greener pastures. And I'm cool with that, just learning to get used to it.

But I will say this...God's been very faithful. Unbelievably so. Things that happened early on, that at the time seemed so important and huge, have now faded and I can't hardly remember why I was so worked up in the first place. Wonderful folks have come and gone, and some mean ones here and there as well, but overall the majority have been really great.

So I'm ready to pick up the pen again, or rather, dust off that keyboard, and start writing down some more of these moments and people, so I don't see them wander off into the distance never to be thought of again. God's been too good to forget what He's done and is still doing --- too gracious, too kind, too wise, too smart, too just, too fair, and too loving.

In the days, weeks, and months to come, my purpose is to remember...the good, the bad, the mundane, and the special. I'm hoping my next post won't be a year from now, but if it is, it's because I'm too busy living. Too borrow a quote from the lovable if not controversial Ace Ventura: "If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer!"

Here's to you Ma!

Today is mother's day, and happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I'm very thankful for mine, for her constant love and support and encouragment. If you have the chance to talk to yours, let me give you some advice my old high school football coach used to give us every day after practice:

"Go home, kiss your momma, tell her you love her."

So, as they say in the good book, go and do likewise!


P.S. My daughter has played hard with her cousins all weekend long, no naps, just serious playtime. And it's 10pm and she's awake singing in her bed like nothing's been going on. She'll be a little bear tomorrow, but she's having a ball right now just chirping away like a little bird...